The Secret Between Them Read online

  She shook her head, still confused. ‘I do not see where your confidence would need any boosting.’ The light turned green and she returned her attention to the road, more at ease now that there was actually a conversation taking place between them. That way, she could focus on what he was saying rather than the way his scent was teasing at her senses, driving her crazy.

  ‘There you go again. Helping me out by telling me that I’m doing a good job. That’s exactly what I’m talking about.’

  ‘But I am merely speaking the truth.’

  He nodded. ‘That’s because you are a nice person and it also makes it easier to accept what you’re saying as the truth.’

  ‘Why do you doubt yourself so much, Elliot?’

  ‘Because others made me doubt.’ His voice was soft and as she slowed the car and flicked on her indicator to turn into the doctors’ car park at the hospital. Elliot continued to talk. ‘When my wife died, it was as though my entire world had been ripped apart. I had an enormous gaping hole in my life, a fourteen-month-old little girl to somehow care for and a premature son fighting for his life. I didn’t cope. I’m not ashamed to admit it because it’s the truth. I fell to pieces.’

  ‘It must have been incredibly stressful for you.’ Sunainah understood the pain and anguish of loss and the fear and doubt that came along with it. She parked the car and turned off the engine but made no move to get out of the car. Neither did Elliot.

  ‘Marie’s parents were equally as devastated by her death. They’d been insistent that she terminate the pregnancy when she’d first been diagnosed, and when she had refused it had caused a big rift between them.’ He shrugged one shoulder. ‘I guess it was natural. As parents, they didn’t want their daughter to die but Marie was stubborn.’ His smile was small and intimate as he spoke of his wife.

  Sunainah watched him closely, seeing the reflected happiness as he spoke of his wife. ‘I am sure it could not have been an easy decision for the two of you to make.’

  ‘No. It wasn’t, but ultimately, as she’d pointed out to me several times, in the end it was her decision. She chose to put our son’s life before her own.’

  ‘Strong yet selfless.’

  Elliot met her gaze, astonishment in his tone as he nodded. ‘Exactly. That’s exactly how she was. I knew you’d understand.’

  Sunainah grimaced. ‘I do.’ She also understood, first-hand, the fallout from the difficult decisions other people made, but they were not talking about her. ‘It would not have been easy for you to watch your wife go through so much pain and then afterwards to have little Joshua also fighting for his life.’

  ‘No. That’s why I turned to Marie’s family, to her parents and sisters. I was spending every moment at the hospital, working in the unit, needing to bury myself and my grief in work as well as spend all of my free time by Joshua’s side, hoping I wouldn’t lose my son as well as my wife.’

  ‘And Daphne?’

  ‘She spent most of her time with her aunts and grandparents.’ He looked down at his hands for a moment before lifting his head and staring unwaveringly at Sunainah. ‘The truth is I didn’t want to face my life outside the hospital. Within those four walls I knew what was expected of me. I knew how to care for a sick, premature baby. I was trained to do that. I slept in the residential wing, ate my meals in the cafeteria and only saw Daphne when her aunts or grandparents brought her to the hospital.’

  Sunainah’s insides tightened at his words, at the way he had left his young daughter with grandparents—grandparents who had then tried to gain custody of their grandchildren. She closed her eyes, desperate to ignore the similarities with what had happened to her—but she had not been a young fourteen-month-old child. She had been a fourteen-year-old girl.

  She swallowed over the dryness in her throat. Elliot did not need to hear about her horrible past and he did not need to dwell on matters that could not be changed. Instead, she said what he needed to hear. ‘You were grieving for the loss of a loved one.’

  ‘I was, but that’s no excuse for abandoning my daughter.’ As he spoke the words his eyes became glazed with tears, and Sunainah immediately saw the similar expression her own father had worn when he had realised that he, too, had abandoned his daughter, leaving her in what he’d thought had been a safe environment. While he had been concentrating on her sick mother, wanting to spend every last moment with her, Sunainah had been fed to the lions.

  ‘No. It is not.’ She tried to keep her words calm and even but knew she had failed when Elliot’s eyes widened a little in surprise. She looked away, unable to hold his gaze any longer. ‘Daphne is young. She will not remember any of this.’

  ‘True...but I will. Always.’

  It was the same burden her father had carried, telling her he would deal with the situation, only...only he had let her down there as well. Would Elliot remember those sensations of having let Daphne down? Would he always protect his little girl? She knew she was probably being too hard on him, masking his situation with her own. She leaned over and placed a hand lightly on his.

  ‘You are there for them now. This is what most matters.’

  Elliot looked down at her hand, almost surprised by the touch. Immediately, Sunainah went to pull away, hoping he had not misconstrued her intention, but before she could do so he gave her fingers a little squeeze. ‘You are a very giving and compassionate person, Sunainah Carrington.’ He stared at her for a moment, his tone soft as though he was equally surprised at the natural chemistry that existed between them. ‘We were definitely meant to meet.’

  ‘I...I am sorry?’ She shook her head a little, perplexed at the abrupt change of topic. ‘I do not understand.’

  ‘First I bump into you in the supermarket then discover I’ll be working with you and that I live almost next door to you. It’s fate.’

  ‘No. It is hospital life.’ Sunainah pulled her hand back, feeling her mind starting to slip into her dream world again as the tingles his touch had evoked continued to spread up her arm and burst like fireworks throughout her entire body. She needed to work harder at putting some distance between the two of them because there was no way any romantic relationship between them could end happily. She had tried romance five years ago with Raj. She had put her heart on the line and she had been rejected...and all because of her past. A past she was not responsible for but for which she still had to carry the burden.

  ‘Hospital life?’

  Sunainah sighed with a hint of exasperation as she unbuckled her seat belt. ‘Mackenzie listed the town house on the hospital’s accommodation website, which is specifically designed to assist new staff in securing a place to live close to the hospital.’ She reached into the back of the car for her bag. ‘The supermarket where we first met is the closest one to both the hospital and the cul-de-sac.’ She opened the door and climbed from the car, Elliot following suit. ‘We are both paediatricians so naturally we work in the same department. There is nothing to do with fate about any of that, just a lot of coincidence.’

  Elliot closed the passenger door, his briefcase in his hand as he watched Sunainah lock the car and start walking towards the hospital entrance. ‘So you’re saying you don’t believe in fate but, rather, coincidence?’

  ‘Fate is just someone else’s way of trying to control your life and no good ever came from doing that.’

  ‘From doing what?’ he queried, slightly confused.

  ‘Controlling someone else’s life.’

  Elliot put out a hand to stop her and instead of walking off and causing a scene she stopped and looked politely at him. She had to ignore the way the concerned look in his eyes pierced her heart.

  He cared for her. Whether it was a friendship type of caring or something else...something else she really did not want to define, it was written there in his face. She wanted to tell him not to. That it was not right for any m
an to care for her, but the words would not leave her throat.

  All she was certain of right at this very instant was that if she did not put some distance between herself and Elliot, if she did not tell herself that all that existed between them was nothing more than friendship, then he would never discover the truth about her, about her past, about what she had done. She could not bear for him to look at her with contempt and disgust. She closed her eyes for a moment.

  ‘Sunainah?’

  She opened her eyes but could not raise them to meet his.

  ‘What’s wrong? Sunainah, what have I said that’s upset you?’

  She shook her head and directed her words to the top of his shirt collar. ‘It is nothing, Elliot.’ I am nothing, she wanted to add, but knew if she did, there would be far more questions coming from his lips.

  Distance. It was imperative to get some distance between herself and Elliot, and with that she moved away from his touch, continuing towards the hospital.

  It was nice of Elliot to show consideration for her feelings but she truly deserved no such attention from him. No, it was far better that from now on she keep her distance. They would be colleagues and neighbours. They would be polite to each other.

  She could not let her past cause this good and caring man any more trouble. He was starting a new life, a life with his children. He would not have time for any romantic entanglements, and even if she had been a woman of good repute, a woman who had not been tainted by darkness and shame, he still would deserve someone better than her.

  There was no way she could ever tell him of the growing feelings she was coming to have for him, feelings that were more than those of a friend or a colleague. These were feelings she had never truly experienced before, not this quickly or intensely. The problem was, her feelings for Elliot could definitely lead to deeper feelings and they would only bring about heartbreak for all concerned.

  CHAPTER FIVE

  ELLIOT WASN’T AT all sure what he’d done to annoy Sunainah and even though he tried to broach the subject with her a few times as they continued on their way to the ward, she really didn’t seem in any mood to talk.

  During the ward round, she appeared to be her usual self, calm, controlled and polite. Had he imagined the brief flash of pain that had pierced her features before she’d become Dr Brisk and Efficient? He watched as she smiled at William, her registrar; as she shared a joke with a patient; as she wrote up case notes after completing ward round; as she headed to the playroom to spend more time with the children.

  He stood by the door to the playroom, pleased by the opportunity to watch her unawares for a few minutes as she sat in one of the small chairs, colouring with a little girl called Caitie, who had been admitted the previous day with a broken leg. The two were chatting, Caitie was giggling and Sunainah was her usual, graceful self.

  Didn’t she have any idea just how many knots she was tying him in? Ever since they’d met, he’d had a rotten time trying to remove her from his thoughts, especially after sneaking a small kiss to her cheek last week.

  The soft smoothness of her skin had only given him the thirst for more. Every time he’d seen her since, he’d breathed in her perfume, delighting in that summery scent. He’d admired the way she treated her patients and staff, how she listened to complaints and situations, weighing all the pros and cons before making the necessary decisions.

  When he’d made the decision to move to Queensland, to change his Melbourne drizzle lifestyle for that of Maroochydore sunshine, the last thing he’d expected had been to meet a woman who refused to leave his thoughts.

  During Marie’s last few days, when the pain had been bad and there had been a great risk of the baby going into distress, she had made him promise that he would find someone new to share his life with, that he wouldn’t be alone for the rest of his life.

  ‘The kids will grow up and leave home one day, Elliot.’ She had smiled wisely at him. ‘Don’t wait until then to find someone. Do it soon. She’ll be someone special—just like me—and she’ll love our kids with all her heart.’

  Elliot had kissed Marie’s lips to shut her up, not wanting to hear her talk so easily of another woman raising their children. Back then, he’d wanted to stop time, to press pause on their lives so he could take time to fully comprehend the enormous changes about to affect his life.

  But now here he stood, watching as Sunainah sat at a small table, on a small chair, sharing small pencils with a small girl, both of them giggling together. She had a beautiful smile and a laugh that warmed his heart. When she spoke, he found her smooth, accented words relaxing.

  Yes, he was attracted to her. Not only on a physical level but on an intellectual one as well. He wanted to talk to her about different topics, not just about medicine but about movies and books and politics and art and sport and absolutely every topic there was. He was intrigued by her, desperately wanting to know what had happened that morning to upset her.

  He hadn’t been looking for any type of romantic entanglement, preferring to focus his attention on his children and his job, determined to be the best paediatrician and father he could be. No, he definitely had not banked on meeting someone like Sunainah Carrington with her exotic beauty and charming mystique.

  Caitie giggled and Sunainah laughed as well, the wonderful sound bringing him out of his reverie. When he refocused his attention on them, he realised both females were staring at him.

  ‘Watchya doing?’ Caitie asked as she giggled again. ‘Dr Soo-nen-nah said you was holding up the wall. That’s funny.’

  Elliot grinned as he eased away from the wall, giving it a quick pat as though to reassure himself that it would not fall down without his strong presence before walking towards them. His actions only made Caitie giggle even more.

  ‘May I join you, ladies?’ Elliot asked as he pulled out one of the small chairs.

  ‘Yes, yes, yes.’ Caitie smiled brightly, holding out a pencil and handing him a sheet of paper. She was six years old and had been telling him earlier that she loved school and that when she grew up she was going to be a teacher. ‘Dr Soo-nen-nah is doing a crazy picture.’ Caitie giggled at the way Sunainah was choosing her colours. ‘You’re not supposed to colour the sky red and the trees purple.’ She laughed as though it was the funniest thing she’d ever seen.

  ‘It’s good to be a little crazy sometimes.’ Elliot admired Sunainah’s picture when she held it up for his inspection. Sunainah didn’t reply but she didn’t scowl at him either. He took that as a good sign. Perhaps he’d imagined her mood earlier because now she was her usual amiable self, but when Nicole came to help Caitie with her crutches, saying it was time for her special bath, Sunainah started to pack up, not looking once in his direction.

  ‘Wait, wait.’ Caitie handed Sunainah the picture she’d coloured in. ‘This is for you and I’ll have the one you did.’ Caitie looked at the strange colours on the picture and giggled again. ‘It’s so funny.’

  Sunainah instantly accepted the little girl’s drawing then levered herself up from the small chair and table. ‘Thank you, Caitie. May I put your name and the date on this, then stick it up on the ward drawing board, please? Everyone must see your excellent skills.’

  ‘Really?’ Caitie’s eyes were wide and filled with amazement. ‘Really? On the wall? Like all the other pictures?’

  ‘Yes. Absolutely.’

  ‘Did you hear that, Nurse Nicole?’

  Nicole took a moment to dutifully study the drawing. ‘You’re very clever, Caitie.’ Nicole nodded then went back to shepherding Caitie from the playroom. Sunainah glanced quickly towards where Elliot still sat at the small table, once again unable to meet his gaze properly.

  ‘I must go and finish my paperwork before there is no sight of my desk.’ She smiled politely in his direction and hot-footed it down the corridor.

 
‘Beating a hasty retreat,’ he murmured as he finished tidying up and setting the playroom to rights.

  He realised that tidying things up had become second nature to him, knowing, as a single parent, that if he didn’t do things, they would never get done. The realisation pleased him no end. He also realised that performing menial tasks gave him time to think, to ponder and consider, and as he worked he couldn’t help but think of Sunainah, feeling perplexed at her behaviour.

  They’d been talking about the way they’d met. He’d mentioned the word fate and she had completely changed. It had been an indication that perhaps there was a lot more to Sunainah Carrington than met the eye. It didn’t matter whether or not she thought their meeting was fate, the fact of the matter was that they had met, and ever since they had he hadn’t been able to get her off his mind.

  Yes, the woman was absolutely stunning, especially with those expressive brown eyes of hers. Yes, she was a brilliant doctor with a wonderful and relaxed bedside manner. Yes, she had the most relaxing voice he’d ever heard, her dulcet tones helping to relax the tension in his shoulders. He’d had his doubts when Marie had been so sure he would meet someone else, and prior to his move to Maroochydore he hadn’t even bothered thinking about dating.

  He never would have believed that someone else’s accent or the pitch of their voice could ever ease his tension in such a way, but he knew he could definitely listen to her talk about the most mundane and boring topics and yet still feel relaxed. It was a nice sensation, especially after the high-pitched nagging he’d endured during the past couple of years from his wife’s family.

  He exhaled slowly. Even thinking of the way Sunainah spoke filled him with a sense of calm that only made him more concerned that he’d inadvertently said something to upset her that morning.

  Elliot walked towards the nurses’ station, intent on doing some of his own paperwork, but after he’d sat reading the same sentence three times over he couldn’t shake the feeling that he needed to talk to her. It wasn’t like Sunainah to be so stilted and polite. True, he’d only known her for just over a week but they’d already shared so much, from cleaning up after sick children to sharing dinner with friends. Even Daphne had been asking to see Soo-nen-nah again and last night Joshua had joined in with the chorus. ‘Nen-nah,’ he’d added to his sister’s chant.